After my most recent CT report as I stare death in the face, I have to start out this blog with the words to one of my favorite hymns:

On a hill far away stood an old rugged cross,
The emblem of suffering and shame;
And I love that old cross where the dearest and best
For a world of lost sinners was slain.

Oh, that old rugged cross, so despised by the world,
Has a wondrous attraction for me;
For the dear Lamb of God left His glory above
To bear it to dark Calvary.

In that old rugged cross, stained with blood so divine,
A wondrous beauty I see,
For ’twas on that old cross Jesus suffered and died,
To pardon and sanctify me.

To the old rugged cross I will ever be true;
Its shame and reproach gladly bear;
Then He’ll call me some day to my home far away,
Where His glory forever I’ll share.

Refrain:
So I’ll cherish the old rugged cross,
Till my trophies at last I lay down;
I will cling to the old rugged cross,
And exchange it some day for a crown.                                                                                                            George Bennard, 1913                                 

I don’t want to die! I am willing to do just about anything to sustain my life, but yet Jesus because of His great love for the human race willing gave up His life—He was willing to die for ME! True, there are problems, but I still have the best medical care in the world. I am surrounded by love and support, but Jesus died a criminal death, denied and forsaken by His closest friends. The words of this song have suddenly taken on a new meaning to me—because of this “emblem of suffering and shame,” I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that death is not the end! 

As a child growing up, I struggled with the “dos and don’ts” of religion. I never could grasp the reality that God is love! It wasn’t until I became a mother and held my precious baby girl in my arms that I began to understand something about the love that had evaded me for so long. During the long years of struggling as a single mother, God spoke to my heart in very real ways so many times. I believe with all my heart that it is because of these encounters with my Creator that I am comforted and can say with confidence that I KNOW that my Redeemer lives! I would like to share a story that I wrote many years ago about one of these times:

On the Wings of a Bird

It was a beautiful spring morning with a bright blue sky except for a few lazy clouds drifting overhead.  The birds were singing as the warmth from the sun gradually melted the dew from the night before. It was the kind of morning that makes me feel glad to be alive; that fills my heart with love and gratitude to God for the beautiful world He has given to us.  I love the beauty of nature, and when the trials of life seem overwhelming, I love to take off on my bike and ride and ride and ride.  Something about the freedom, the solitude, and the beauty just makes me feel so close to God, and I love to sing and talk to Him as I feel the wind blowing through my hair.

On this particular morning I was struck by the freshness of everything around me; the world washed by the rain from the night before, the freshness of the new leaves just beginning to show, the spring flowers poking their little heads up through the dirt, and the beautiful, beautiful birds caroling their songs of praise to their Creator.  As I slowly peddled along, I took it all in and my soul began to feel a relief from the pressures of life.

Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer.  From the end of the earth will I cry unto Thee, when my heart is overwhelmed; lead me to the Rock that is higher than I …” (Psalms 61:1-3).

 My heart was overwhelmed.  I had ridden out on this particular morning because I needed answers and wanted to feel the peace that only God can give!  As a single mom of four children, I often struggle with many issues; trying to find the balance in a crazy world with all the things life throws at me.  Two years before, I had decided, after much prayer, to take my children out of church school and give home schooling a try.  It had been two wonderful years with many blessings.  But trying to balance home schooling while working full time had taken its toll—and I was tired.  The thought of doing it another year was overwhelming, and I just did not feel up to the challenge. As if in answer to prayer, a small church school was opening, but the cost was completely out of reach for me.  I had also promised my children that we would try to go on the family mission project during the summer; but due to circumstances beyond my control, I just had not been able to save the much needed money.  So now, the new school and the mission trip seemed beyond my grasp.

My heart was heavy, and as I rode along and told God the burdens on my heart, I could not stop the tears. Something about the beauty of the morning, the singing of the birds and the blueness of the sky, I could feel God’s presence and His love …“Thank you, Lord”, I prayed. I did not know the answers, but I felt a sense of peace. I knew in my heart that even if I home schooled again, God could bring me through! Even if we did not get to go on the mission trip, God was in control - and after all, “All things work together for good to them that love God” (Romans 8:28).  I do love God and as so many times before I have felt peace because I know that I can trust Him with my problems and with my children.

At that very moment, as I looked up into the blueness of the sky, I noticed a bird flying overhead.  As it flew over I noticed it was carrying something which it dropped just as it passed.  I watched as this “something” fell softly through the air, and it landed on the road in front of me.  Getting off my bike and going over to pick it up, I found it was a piece of bread.  I looked back up into the sky and watched the bird fly out of sight.  Why did that bird drop that bread right in front of me?  Was it just a coincidence?  The story of Elijah immediately flashed through my mind.  I could see him sitting by the brook Cerith, alone and probably more then a little worried. After all, he knew that there was a now a price on his head. Being human, I’m sure he worried about where he would get enough to eat.  As I watched that bird fly away that spring morning, I could not help but compare my feelings with how Elijah must have felt as he picked up that piece of bread and thought back to what God had told him, “I have commanded the ravens to feed thee…” (1 Kings 17:4).  A sense of awe filled my soul because I knew God had heard and cared enough to send a bird just as He had to Elijah so many years ago.

As I rode my bike home that day, I truly felt as if I had been touched by the hand of God.  I could not help but think of the words of my favorite song:

           I know not why God’s wondrous grace

           To me He hath made known,

           Nor why, unworthy, Christ in love

           Redeemed me for His own.

           But “I know whom I have believed,

           and am persuaded that he is able

           to keep that which I’ve committed

           unto him against that day! (2 Timothy 1:12)

                                                                                    Daniel W. Wittle

A miracle happened that day in my heart! The next week we received word that our

mission trip was paid.  The day before we left to go out west for the trip, I received a phone call informing me that I would have the help that was needed for my children to attend the new school.  Like the Children of Israel of old, it is so easy to doubt when things get really rough, but I am so thankful that I serve a God that understands my human heart and cared enough to answer my prayer with something so simple yet so powerful. 

Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? Or, What shall we drink? Or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? …For your Heavenly Father knows that you have need of all these things.  But seek first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you” (Matthew 6:31-33).

_______________________________

 

So here I am again, facing a new crisis in my life—Can I trust God? DEFINITELY!!! I don’t know what tomorrow holds. I do know that the blessings from this past year are too numerous to count. God has worked SO many miracles in my life, but we live in a battlefield where “we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this     age . .  .” (Ephesians 6:12). I do not believe that God gave me cancer, or that it is in anyway His will for me to have cancer. I believe God created us to live in a perfect world, but the human race choose to have a “knowledge of good and evil.” Because of God’s great love for us, He stands back and permits each individual the freedom of choice! IF God intervened every time something bad happened we would not see sin for what it is, and He would be tampering with our freedom. God has given His ALL in the Person of His Son to the human race and loves us each with unconditional love. Thousands of years ago there is the story told in the Bible of a righteous man who Satan claimed served God because God had placed a hedge around him. “And the Lord said to Satan, “Behold, all that he has is in your power; only do not lay a hand on his person.” Then later when Job remained true to God after enduring all the disasters the Devil could throw at him, God said, “Behold, he is in your hand, but spare his    life. . . .  So Satan went out from the presence of the Lord, and struck Job with painful boils from the sole of his foot to the crown of his head” (Job 1, 2). This story gives just a small behind-the-scenes glimpse of the great conflict that is going on in our world between good and evil. We are living in the mist of a battlefield, and there are casualties on every side, but the good new that gives me courage is that God has won the war!  God’s promises are sure and there is not one tear that He does not see, not one broken heart He does not feel. “You number my wanderings; Put my tears into Your bottle; Are they not in Your book?” (Psalm 56:8)  “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18). The most exciting promise of all is, ^“…God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away” (Revelation 21:4). Oh how I long for that day . . .

Shall we gather at the river,
Where bright angel feet have trod,
With its crystal tide forever
Flowing by the throne of God?

On the margin of the river,
Washing up its silver spray,
We will talk and worship ever,
All the happy golden day.

Ere we reach the shining river,
Lay we every burden down;
Grace our spirits will deliver,
And provide a robe and crown.

At the smiling of the river,
Mirror of the Savior’s face,
Saints, whom death will never sever,
Lift their songs of saving grace.

Soon we’ll reach the silver river,
Soon our pilgrimage will cease;
Soon our happy hearts will quiver
With the melody of peace.

Refrain:
Yes, we’ll gather at the river,
The beautiful, the beautiful river;
Gather with the saints at the river
That flows by the throne of God.

                               Robert Lowery, 1864