December was in some ways a hard month for me but in other ways I have felt a sense of peace because I know God was and is leading in my life! On December  3rd, when I was accepted into the clinical trial for Cholangiocarcinoma it was a ray of light, a glimmer of hope; but oh, so many problems! As I sat in the hotel room the evening before with my sister-in-law, and we talked about the practicality it all seemed so overwhelming. But yet when I opened my Bible I was reminded how many times I have felt this way over the last year, and how many times has God literally opened the Red Sea for me—What a miracle that I am even alive. But there were problems that seemed insurmountable by all human prospective, and I don’t want to just bury my head in the sand. How was I suppose to be in Winston Salem every Monday and Thursday, three weeks out of four? I couldn’t travel alone, the expense of gas and hotel. . .It all just seemed to much to take it but yet it was a ray of light, it was hope—I was fighting for my life. Several days later when I was reading my Bible I cam across this promise:

O you afflicted one,
Tossed with tempest, and not comforted,
Behold, I will lay your stones with colorful gems,
And lay your foundations with sapphires.
I will make your pinnacles of rubies,
Your gates of crystal,
And all your walls of precious stones.
All your children shall be taught by the Lord,
And great shall be the peace of your children.
In righteousness you shall be established;

Isaiah 54:11-14

What a beautiful promise! Especially that my “children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the peace of your (MY) children.” Those of you who know me best, know that my children are my life and their relationship with God is the most important thing in the world to me.

Last week with  my checking account funds dwindling, I started out for Winston Salem trusting God but not sure of all the particulars. The SECU House is a very warm, caring facility that is connected with the Hospital and charges $35/night. This is where I had been staying until last Sunday when I got a call from a dear friend—Nita told me that since her Mom died last August her home, which is fifteen minutes from Wake Forest Baptist Hospital where I am getting my treatment, is sitting empty. I know God cares that I felt “tossed with tempest” and He provided a place for me.

Through the American Cancer Society, I found out about the Lazarex Cancer Foundation, which reimburses for all travel expenses for patients involved in a clinical trial. I submitted my application and am waiting for it to be processed.

How great is MY God!

It shall come to pass
That before they call, I will answer;
And while they are still speaking, I will hear.

Isaiah 65:24

Cancer is not what I would have in anyway expected for my life; but that being said, I see God leading in my life. As I have told my children so many times, EVERYTHING in this world is sandcastles soon to be washed away by the incoming tide—God is the only reality, the only anchor that will with stand the tempest. . .

I pray that I will always remember this fact! 

This week my sister-in-law gave me the book she had made from my one year Celebration of Life on November 15, 2013. I was so touched by the wonderful pictures of the special people in my life who came and the many inspiring notes that were left for me. I have felt so empowered by the love, prayers and support that has been poured out upon me since my diagnosis. I love the words to this song and to each one of you, my awesome family and dear friends, may you know how special you are to me and this is my song to you . . .

Did you ever know that you're my hero
And everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle
For you are the wind beneath my wings

It might have appeared to go unnoticed
But I've got it all here in my heart
I want you to know, I know the truth, of course, I know it
I would be nothing without you

Did you ever know that you're my hero?
You're everything I wish I could be
I could fly higher than an eagle
For you are the wind beneath my wings.

Jeff Silbar and Larry Henley